CAPTAINS LOG: 24th March

If you have never heard the Podcast ‘My Dad wrote a porno’ I would actively encourage you to do it.  It is ridiculously funny.  The Dad writes in a kind of Lady Chatterly /Dickensian (excuse the pun) way and his dialogue along with sexual innuendo is arse cringingly bad,,,hence the reason the son and friends can rip it to pieces whilst constantly trying not to lose it. 

I read a lot of books and they are in the main, contemporary adult.  My book (if I ever finish the bloody thing) will also fall into the genre.  I am not a prude.  I have never been embarrassed to discuss sex, read about it nor have I ever been uncomfortable with my sexuality.  

On Thursday of last week Beavis and Butthead were at their Dad’s house so I thought I’d watch a bit of light-hearted television.  My assumption that it would be light-hearted couldn’t have been further from the truth.  I guess I may be jumping the gun on this as it’s going to be several episodes long, but I think the first programme has set the scene for what will follow. 

I sat down to watch ‘Mums make Porn’ showing on Channel 4.  d.  The Mums involved came from many walks of life; one describing herself as  ‘naive’ through to one Mum who had no issue in stating that she watches porn of many differing types.  

Within the first few hours of meeting each other they shared a common thought…the porn widely available to view, which their children may come across, is not the porn they would want their kids to view.  I bloody wished I’d been asked to do it.  

Things have changed enormously in the porn industry in the last 30 years.  The porn that was available in the 70’s is now considered soft porn, regardless of the content.  In an article in The Guardian with porn industry actress Lisa Ann she spoke of her worry for today’s and future generations of porn actresses.  It seems the culture of abuse is not just for mainstream Hollywood actresses but even more prevalent in the adult industry.  Nor is it just sexual or physical abuse anymore.  For various reasons, the porn entertainment has always been an industry synonymous with drugs and Lisa Ann doesn’t deny this.   But what she speaks of is something much worse.  The young actresses are given enough of whatever it is so that they are completely out of the game.  This means that she can be subjected to whatever the director wishes because she doesn’t have enough wits about her to know she is no longer consensual to the acts being performed on her.  .

You can choose your porn of choice but you can’t choose your adult actress.  In some cases, these ‘actresses’ are trafficked girls.  That’s nice isn’t it?  That’s a really healthy image of sex for our youngsters to grow up with. 

Depending on how you get your kicks, if trafficked/drugged actresses aren’t your bag, you can choose to watch forced-sex .  This is what we, those not in the industry, know more commonly as rape.  All for viewing gratification.  

For some kids, maybe even my own, their first experience of sex will probably be porn. I am not a prude….not by a long shot.  In fact in the late 80’s I ‘unknowingly’ worked (office based) for an escort agency…but that’s a tale for another day.  What I can say about those days is the girls who ‘worked’ for us not only made a bloody fortune (yuppies loved to throw their money around) but they were completely in charge of what they did with a client.  The girls who obtained their bookings through us all had one thing in common….they were all legal secretaries.  Normally from South Africa or New Zealand.  It never occurred to me at the time, that they weren’t in control of what they were doing and all these years later, it only now occurs to me that perhaps that wasn’t the case after all.  

I can fully empathise where these Mums are coming from and it has thrown me into a spin.   Do I speak to the boys (who will be 13 in September) now about porn and how utterly unrealistic it is or do I leave it because I feel they are too young to have this conversation with me? 

As a single woman bringing up my boys, albeit the boys have a Dad who they see a lot, in our house, it’s just me.  If I thought for one moment that either of my boys grow up believing that forcing a woman into a deep throat scenario is normal or even acceptable, I’ve got to tell you, we’re going to have an issue on our hands. 

Nor do I want them to think that when it comes to sex the images they can view is what actually goes on in a normal, healthy intimate relastionship.  

So the Mums in the programme, have been set the task of making their own porno…one which, if viewed by their children, would represent real life sex.  To that end they will be provided with the resources to make a film of their choice but first they went to view today’s porn being made.   Now personally, I didn’t think either examples were particularly hardcore…slightly over the top maybe but not hardcore.  I had to bloody laugh when one film ‘starred’ a real life couple and he couldn’t keep it up so she popped off for a pee.  Kids, real life sex DOES NOT go on solidly for over an hour and if it does, your girl won’t thank you in the morning when she tries to pee.   I knew a girl once who used to watch EastEnders during sex.  Shot in the dark but I’m guessing whatever was going on, wasn’t lighting her fire.  

I think I will be speaking to my boys’ as it would seem even just watching YouTube (you know, gaming tips) could mean them being exposed to porn sites which I would really rather they didn’t click on out of curiosity.  Their Mum (that would be me) is rather forthright about women’s role in society and I don’t want them to think a woman who is up for sex is an object to be used like disposable cutlery.  

I actually don’t care what floats your boat….what you do in the privacy of your own bedroom, car, tree at a festival is your choice and good for you….as long as it is between consenting adults who are both happy with the deal.  How, where and what kind of sex you have is yours to have.  But if you’re going to watch porn of any description; make sure it’s not the kind of porn where the actress maybe drugged or forced.  That isn’t sex.  That’s abuse.

And who knows, perhaps one day my kids will do a podcast called ‘My Mum wrote a porno”.

BIG SNOGS

Kitty xxx

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