CAPTAINS LOG: 3rd February

THIS week I watched a video post on a social media site by Constance Hall. You may or may not have heard of her but she is an Australian writer, blogger, clothes seller to name but a few things.

SHE has encountered some of the most vile comments on her site, on media pages comments section and when she was asked to appear on the Aussie version of Dancing with the Stars (our Strictly) more ferocious comments were made following the leak to the newspapers. In a short video, she read out some of the comments made about her but instead of hiding she came out and fought back. Previously, as a result of these comments, she has suffered with depression and after watching the video I am not surprised.

I would implore you to watch her video but be warned…it is truly shocking.

I just can’t get my head around the words used towards her and how disgusting those comments are. Nobody should have to endure that.

I also saw this week a local Mother selling her sons’ Rugby Shirt as he no longer takes part in school PE lessons due solely to the bullying he has been submitted to during these lessons.

THE Independent Newspaper reported in September last year that suicides of those between the ages of 15 to 19 years old had risen by 67% since 2010. As a parent and a human being, I find that number staggering and frightening. This figure does not indicate why these children took their own life but undoubtedly many were due to bullying. There is a story in the media regarding children taking their own lives due to some kind of bullying monthly. For some it is on social sites and for others it may be that their bullying has happened in school.

CHILDREN killing themselves due to bullying. What a horrific sentence that is.

I don’t believe that our children are ill-equipped to deal with life in today’s society. I just believe that children are not taught the possible repercussions of their words. Kindness is unpopular. Bullying is not a new phenomena, it’s been around forever. At some point as a child, we can probably all pinpoint a moment when we were on the receiving end of a bully, whether that be another child or an adult.

AND make no mistake, bullying is not just for kids. Workplace bullying costs our economy around £18 billion pounds a year and more than a quarter of our UK workforce have been subjected to bullying whilst at work.

SO at what point do we make the distinction between banter and bullying. Banter, like jokes, should be were both parties find it funny. Bullying is when one person either consciously (or unconsciously) makes comments that hurt, embarrass or degrade another persons feelings. Passing it off as banter is a bully’s best defence. “I was only joking”…’its not my fault you don’t have sense of humour’…’oh lighten up!’. These words are used by bullies to justify themselves. There are of course those who actually see no wrong in what they are saying.

I read an article years ago that said that if you get a dog (from a puppy) and whether consistently or from time to time, mistreat that dog, it won’t walk away. It yearns for your approval. It wants to be loved. The same can be applied to those with abusive childhoods. Those children grow into adults who yearn for attention, to be loved, to be accepted. But some of the bullied become the bully because deep down it gives them a sense of power but ultimately of control.

I worked with a woman years ago who was a bloody nightmare. In the workplace she would be defined as a bully. Then on a works’ day out we met her husband. With him she was meek and mild. Her behaviour that day didn’t make sense until we all sat down for dinner when it became apparent that the husband was the bully in their relationship. And believe me, this man was vile. My point is that she was bullied by Dick Face (my pet name for him) in the home but instead of being empathetic or kind, she needed to have some control and therefore became the bully in the workplace. Did she do this consciously? Honestly, I don’t know but I like to believe that she didn’t .

YOU have those who are hell-bent on being the one who is right? A real tell-tale sign for me is that when I have an opinion (Oh I have so bloody many) which I believe is right my voice gets higher and louder. I know this. I have been told this. If I’m wrong, that’s fine, I can accept this but this is a behaviour that I know I display. I might get louder but I don’t believe that your opinion is less than my own.

WE have to also feel for some bullied. Like the example above, some are this way because when their brain was developing and gathering information to store in the memory, events may have been negative. Bullying within a family unit is actually more common that bullying experienced outside the home. A Childs’ brain develops emotions and behaviours based on experiences seen at home. Today, it is thought that over 90% of those who exhibit regular bullying behaviour are/were bullied themselves and that children who are/were bullied by members of their own family / step-family are more like to adopt behavioural problems in adulthood.

WE associate bullying with shouting or abusive words. Its worth remembering that some bullies are quite artful in their behaviour. People who are adept at manipulation are refined bullies. Its a skill; just not one that should be admired.

PARENTS teach your children the importances of being kind and remind them that children who display this behaviour are normally going through it themselves.

PART of my Sunshine Bus journey has focused on self-belief which leads to inner confidence. I pity the bully. They rarely experience the joy of lasting friendships. Friendships give you unconditional support and love. Friendships like relationships should be equal between parties. Proper friendships bring joy, laughter and feel good vibes. I can honestly count my best friendships on two hands and they don’t add up to 10. At my age I know the difference between quality and quantity.

I have made a commitment to myself that I will not allow another person to make me feel less than I am and if they do, well that’s their issue, not mine. Life or work place status shouldn’t make a difference. Another persons bad day / unhappy mindset is not yours.

WE’VE all seen the quote that says ‘Be the woman who fixes another woman’s crown without telling the world that it was crooked’. Be that person. Be that friend.

THIS is my favourite quote:

“I don’t judge people based on colour, race, religion, sexuality, gender, ability or size. I base it on whether or not they’re an arsehole”. Yeah, don’t be an arsehole.

BIG SNOGS
Kitty XXX