CAPTAINS LOG: 4th August
IT’S not what happens to you but how you react that matters. It’s not what happens to you but how secure you are in yourself that allows the best or worst of reactions. I see the ‘happiness blooms from within’ quote all the time (because I am a Pinterest addict) and when I read those words now they are so powerful to me. I have made so many changes to myself in the last eleven months that I really should think about getting that on a badge because it is my go to mindset reaction now.
FOR me, for my mind and soul, things are changing at a rate of knots. Self discovery will do that to a person. It’s exciting and thrilling and oh to freeing! I am looking forward in a way I previously would never known how to. But in the spirit of honesty I am several things, not all of them good. I am the worlds BEST procrastinator (don’t try to compete, the award is mine), I make snap decisions if I like or hate something and it takes a hell of lot to get me to change my mind. And I am truly shit at looking after myself in a way that I should.
IT has taken me nearly a year to understand myself and to try to work out why I have always been so uncomfortable with the concept of self-love. I believed that self love was seen to be associated with an overinflated ego. But why would we care? Why did I care? What changed in me?
PART of me thinks it’s a British thing [to fight against self love] you know, stiff upper lip and all that. But that no longer fits into our society. Take the saying ‘if you don’t love yourself, nobody else will’ I’m not sure that’s true but I do know that if you are not your own best friend you will never give the best of yourself to others.
We give compliments to another but find them so hard to accept for ourselves. We forgive others but not ourselves. I have been guilty in this so much in the past; of not walking the talk. Oh I was good at dishing out the advice but didn’t think the same advice applied to me.
SELF healing through a positive, empowered outlook has changed me in more ways than I can comprehend at times. Just the power of just saying ‘no’ is incredibly freeing. But do you know what is better than that? Not reacting in a way that a person wants you to react. Watching them watching you when you’re feeling the strength from within is so empowering. It’s not about being rude or dismissive to them; it’s about holding onto the power of self.
WHEN levelled with criticism, the old me would have reacted in just one of two ways; I would either have shouted or cried. It was that simple. They were my ‘go to’ reactions.
IF I truly believe that somebody’s criticism of me is unfounded, I now neither say nor feel anything. I won’t react. I am much more self aware of who I am and my self-esteem and I know that for me, my energy is best spent in allowing negative comments float off to the stratosphere. The words that people choose to use are, more often than not, nothing to do with you but how they feel about themselves.
AND the most important thing you can recognise and accept is that you can’t change a person. It’s all on them. If that’s who they choose to be, then accept that. You are only responsible for the words you choose to use to another. You need to make a decision as to whether you want to put up with it and how you deal with that kind of negativity.
MY thoughts, words and feelings should not be belittled or ridiculed. They are mine to have. And if a person chooses to do that to you, then by reacting, you are giving them your baton of power. And the power always belongs to self.
IT is rooted in self-confidence. To love yourself isn’t negative. To believe in who you are is a gift you must open continuously to be able to live in the present. The ultimate gift to yourself is to be you and to be proud of your words and deeds.
WITH that in mind, I asked my girlies to come up with one sentence that they felt summed up how they felt about themselves (note to self: next time give them a specific word count).
“Well, if I’m honest I actually quite like me as a person…although I’d like to be less chubby”
“I’m an apple; if you picked me up at a supermarket I may look fresh but turn me over and I’m bruised (but I’d make a damn good apple pie”
“I feel very pressured….seeing people on social media and thinking that I need to live the life like they do” (picture perfect)
THIS makes me quite sad because I know these girls, I know that they are wonderful, beautiful, capable people who are fabulous friends. What I really loved however is that on the back of those answers came the ‘right now selfies’. Suffice to say none of us looked great but we have something that you can’t buy: trust. And from that trust (showing what we look like right now) comes laughter. And also, positive statements about how WE view each other.
LOVING yourself takes courage. It means taking a leap of faith and talking yourself up (to yourself) until you believe it. Anybody who has used positive affirmations to improve their mindset will testify that actually, in a short amount of time, it becomes second nature.
KNOWING my own worth is now about owning it. It has allowed me to find my courage which I thought had left me for good. That courage is pushing me, challenging me, improving me and making me see that the only thing that can hold me back from achieving what I want, is me.
I have the most exciting week coming up starting tomorrow…I’m like the proverbial kid in the candy shop kind of excited! If you had told me last year that I would be taking steps to change my life in a way that this week will absolutely do, I would have tried to crawl backwards and hide. But not anymore! Tomorrow literally is the first day of the rest of my life and I can’t wait to get started.
SO here’s the bottom line: get to know yourself. Love yourself. Be brave. Find the courage to accept compliments. Your courage will allow you to listen and accept positive thoughts and feeling. Set yourself a challenge to improve your life / self worth / future. And have an amazing time doing it.
BIG SNOGS
Kitty xxxx
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