CAPTAINS LOG: 17th March

EVOLUTION is a wonderful thing.  Over time, we have gone from the downright fugly to the downright incredible.  Sorry Neanderthal man,  I’m sure at the time you thought you were quite the dandy man around the cave but seriously mate, you were just ugly.  Move forward in time to the Tudors.  My ex-landlord, Henry VIII, was really quite the man.  He was considered handsome.  He probably was in those days but by today’s standards, sorry Henry, you just weren’t all that.  I’m guessing that wealth, fear and position had a hand in making the you ‘handsome’.  Who says you can’t buy love?  Elizabeth I…if there was ever a woman who need to be colour-matched to foundation and get some eyebrows on. it was her.  I’m not even going to touch on the size of her forehead.  

MOVE forward again and get to the Victorians.  They were neither a pretty nor a particularly happy bunch.

BUT today, thanks to good old social media, we now have a plethora of good looking people for our viewing pleasure.  I know I am closer to 50 years old than 40 now but even when I was in my twenties, I don’t remember too many really good looking men or women.  Now there seems to be millions of them.  Literally millions.  I didn’t know a six pack, let alone eight pack, existed until around ten years ago.

SO men have got better looking and so have women but our sense of worth hasn’t improved.  I think it’s actually got worse.

THERE’S a comfort in being my age. I don’t have the pressure that young women of today have.  Sadly, I can’t wave a magic wand and shave off thirty years, even though I really, REALLY would love to.  So now my pressure doesn’t come from having to ‘be pretty enough’…I just have to try not to look like a bag of shit when I leave the house, a feat I don’t always manage.  No pity vote here, but I am rarely told I look nice – obviously, I do look like a bag of shit after all.  Note to self: must work on appearance.

I would bloody hate to be one of today’s young women.  The pressure, often self imposed, is horrible.  

THIS week, I took a little Poll of just a small selection of people that I work with.

FIFTEEN women. The question was simple: are you happy with your body, yes or no.  The ages ranged from 19 up to 48.  

ONE person came back that they were happy.  Just one out of 15.  

NOW I could tell you that I find this mind-blowing.  I could tell you that I don’t think there is a single thing wrong with any of them.  I could tell you that what they see is not what I see.

BUT ultimately, it doesn’t matter what I or anybody else tells them or thinks about them when what they feel is negative about themselves…or in this case their bodies.

MY next question was if the answer was no [not happy with their body] what would they change?

TOP answer was boobs…. enlargements and reductions.  Boobs.  Every bloody time.  There was no second place…it covered just about the entire body parts we are blessed with.  This I get, probably better than most.  I had a breast reduction when I was twenty-three and it was the best thing I have ever done.  Obviously, regardless of surgery, my boobs don’t look like they did at 23 years old post-op but since then, I have had twins and put on weight / lost weight numerous times….trust me ladies, dieting does nothing but fuck your body up.

BACK to the Poll. One person came back with an honest response to the question.  She said that she didn’t eat well, didn’t workout or simply exercise enough to burn off the food that she consumed, so whilst she would like to be slimmer/fitter, she was aware that she had the body {her words} that she deserved. How many people would actually be that honest? They may know it but to admit they had the body that was as a result of the effort they put in is rare.  

IRONICALLY, we worry about what other people think of us, their perception of our bodies and personalities whereas the reality is that we are far more critical of ourselves than anybody could be. 

I assumed that this was just a female thing.  So, I took a poll from the guys, albeit a much smaller number.

EIGHT men with an age range of  mid-twenties to late forties (one doesn’t work with me….thank you Boyf).

ONE thing stood out…. Men can’t answer yes or no questions.  Fucking hell….I shit you not…YES OR NO boys!!!!!  And THIS is why women are from Venus and Men are from Mars!

I thought that the guys would come back with pretty much a resounding yes.  Not so.  Only one said yes, he was happy.  I had a couple of ‘generally yes but….’ answers and details of what they would change.

WHEN I spoke with the girls (post-poll) I asked them to give me an idea of what they thought of as the ‘perfect person’, who if anybody, they would love to be like.  For those of them under the thirty year old mark, they were all quite similar.  Tiny waisted girls, ample boobs, legs for miles and flowing locks.  I don’t understand why they would want to look like these women when I think they are all pretty incredible and beautiful but my opinion doesn’t matter (that didn’t stop me giving it of course).

I think if you’d asked me the same question 15 years ago I would have been able to provide you with a list of women who I would love to have looked like.  But now, I am really struggling.  I find it hard because I find women who are funny and/or intelligent beautiful.  So is there anybody I would want to look like?  I can honestly put my hand on my heart and say no.  That’s not to say I don’t have things about myself that I would like to change, but that’s about effort.  I have taken so long to accept myself that now, I don’t want to be anybody but me.  

JUST the same as I wish I could shave off a few years, I wish I could fast forward these girls into the future to show them that self worth and acceptance of yourself is so much more important than what is on the surface and the only thing you should inspire to be is the best version of yourself.  

CAROL, my Mumma, hasn’t always been happy with how she looked but, and this is massive, she has always had great self worth.  She is now in her early 70’s and she looks bloody fabulous.  She actually looks better than most ten-fifteen years her junior. She did however, have a secret weapon. Michael.  My Dad.  My Dad used to come though the door after a days’ work and make a bee-line for Mum.  He never made a secret of not only loving her but of how desirable she was to him.  He always tells people how bloody fantastic she looks and always did.  He never not told her that he thought she was beautiful.  But I guess that’s love for you.  So whilst your self worth/love should come from you, there is nothing wrong with another person making you see how fabulous you are. 

TAKE it from somebody who has spent the majority of her adult life being desperately unhappy with how she looks and her crappy self-esteem…it ain’t worth it.  Look in the mirror every day and remind yourself that you are beautiful and worthy.  Because you are; we all are.  You have the gift that nobody can take away from you….you are unique and that is your Super Power.

BIG SNOGS

Kitty xxx

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