CAPTAINS LOG: 21st April 2019
There is a fore-note to this blog…it was supposed to go out last weekend having been written the previous week but due to stuff happening, I thought it prudent to not release it. Then my voice of reason spoke to me and (I quote) ‘you stupid cow, you can write whatever you want and if somebody wishes to link it in any way, then fuck them’. Thank you for that Marsh!
A long time ago I was interviewed for a job in London and the person conducting it became a friend. During that interview, Al, asked me what my greatest strengths and weaknesses were. The answer I gave her in 2000/20001 is the same that I would give her now: loyalty. Only live by the sword if you’re happy to die by the sword. It takes strength to remain loyal. To me, it means something. From a personal point of view it represents trust, honestly, integrity and when the shit hits the fan, I know you’ll be standing in my corner. It’s not always the popular vote. It may never be the path that will get you to where you want to go. But you can be sure that you can journey with your head held high.
Loyalty is a feeling, an emotion and an act. I watched The Outlaw King on Sunday evening. I really enjoyed it , even though it was a bit bloody (but life was bloody in those days early 1300’s and even Netflix can’t make it look that pretty). It tells the story of Robert the Bruce and how the clans, headed by Bruce, rose up against the English King after the slaying of William Wallace. Loyalty can be a double-edged sword and as such, only a few of the Clan leaders stay true to the King they had just sworn allegiance to and therefore remained protected. Unlike those who chose to jump ship from the King early and side with Bruce to get their beloved kingdom back, albeit with possible death as a price. I loved that some of them burnt their own castles rather than let the Kings’ men do it when they joined forces with Bruce. Loyalty is like that. It can cost far more than money. I would like to add something completely unrelated to this – THANKFULLY this film was nothing like that pile of dogs’ shit where Mel Gibson actually thought he was William Wallace. Twunt.
For years, both in work and in my personal life, my loyalty has either worked for me or kicked me in the arse over and over again. I have ALWAYS been faithful in my relationships and I dare anybody to say anything different. When my first marriage was reaching the end point, I remember sitting in the garden at my office with a cup of tea and a cigarette when a guy who also worked there came out and joined me. We were ‘mates’ in the loose sense of the word; more like work colleagues who were the same age and laughed with each other. I was gobsmacked when he asked me out. I remember looking at him like he had suddenly grown wings. I laughed and asked if he was joking to which he said no. He reminded me (really?) that I was leaving to go back home because my marriage hadn’t worked out. I told him to go fuck himself. I may have decided to end my marriage but that didn’t mean that my husband didn’t still deserve my loyalty.
Despite a rather unhappy 2nd marriage, I was loyal to him too. Loyalty isn’t just about being faithful (although for me that’s a given) but it’s about protecting somebody from criticism, even if it is sometimes deserved. I think there were only two occasions that I spoke openly to other people about what he was like to live with and the kind of things he said to me. That’s not just loyalty…that’s embarrassment too.
I have had bloody tons of jobs and I can say with my hand on my heart, that only one company I have worked for has been worthy of my loyalty. That only one company has given me what I gave them. But do I care? Well, I used to but frankly I don’t any more. The more people I meet the more I realise that perhaps my thinking may be outdated. I like that my loyalty can’t be bought. I like that money doesn’t motivate me (yes, it bloody helps but it doesn’t motivate me). I’ve been working constantly for the last 33 years (say what now?!) and I have seen so many people, myself included, screwed over time and time again because loyalty runs deep. But I have to take responsibility for the times when I don’t or haven’t spoken up.
I still think to be loyal is a wonderful trait., whether that be in your personal relationships or in your work environment. It takes a strong person to stay loyal in the face of adversity. Only give your loyalty to those who deserve it. Don’t waste it.
Today I don’t believe that loyalty means anything. I honestly believe it’s whether your face fits or not.
Today….I know who I am. I know what is the right and wrong thing to do. And I know that no matter what, it isn’t loyalty that gets you places. And you can’t turn that shit on and off. You can’t be loyal only when it suits you.
The other thing that Al asked me at that interview was to tell her one thing about myself …so I told her I was the funniest person I knew. To this day I honestly still believe that. And I know she does too….come on Alsk, show some bloody loyalty 🙂
BIG KISSES
Kitty xxx
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