CAPTAINS LOG: 24th February

I had a fab time in my twenties, I truly did.  I had great fun with great friends.  I had a damn fine thirties (post marriage) and loved every minute of it.  I got together with the Boyf  when I was 41 and as I have said before, I think it happened then because it was meant to.  I’d been sent some pretty shitty lessons and some of those are excruciatingly embarrassing to look back on and some are painful.   Not life and death painful; but ego painful. 

IRONICALLY, for somebody who was married twice by the time I was 32 and subsequently divorced/separated divorce pending twice by the time I was 40, I wasn’t and never have been a prolific dater.  I was never one of the those girls who only felt complete when I had a boyfriend.  I never understood those girls. Frankly, I still don’t.  

HAVE you ever seen the film South Pacific?  There’s a scene where the female lead goes into the outdoor shower to wash her hair…and she doesn’t just give it a good clean.  She’s angry at her boyfriend and like in all good musicals, sings him out.  Yep, she going to wash that man right out of her hair.   I bloody loved that song.  When I was a kid, and it was hair wash time I used to sing it over and over….probably because some boy didn’t want to give me a backie on the back of their Chopper (bike not metaphor).  Later in life, whenever I ‘broke’ up with somebody I would wash my hair and sing it again.  This was my ‘turning point’.  The end of the road for the ‘oh why doesn’t he want me’ and the start of ‘what a useless sack of shit’.

DON’T get me wrong, I am not promoting singleton life.  To love and be loved is a wonderful thing but, because there’s always a but, it needs to be true for both of you,  Love is not loving love.  It’s about acceptance, understanding, sharing, honesty, passion and sometimes, that shit’s hard but it shouldn’t mean sacrificing who you are for each other.  There should be tolerance for your loved ones quirks but if those quirks drive you bat-shit crazy and you are desperately trying to change that person into somebody you want them to be, that’s not love.

I love Hugh Jackman.  You want to know why I love him?  You might be shocked but it has NOTHING to do with looks (although beardy-Hugh is one handsome bugger) but EVERYTHING to do with how a ‘Hollywood Heart Throb’ talks about his wife.  He speaks like she is the only woman in the world.  He often tells of the pride he has in being married to her, how they still have that spark., how she has always been his best friend or how he still feels the way he did when they first met. And in a world as fickle as Hollywood, the fact that this man puts the love he has for her out there constantly and consistently…. I think that makes him rather bloody loveable.  

Supposedly, as a society we have evolved a lot since I was in my early 20’s. Technology, understanding of the planet we live on, medical and scientific fields, mental health and illnesses.  But if who we were as a society 25 years ago are not who we are today,  why are girls still putting up with boys who treat them badly?  

FFS girls, you don’t need that toxic shit in your life.  If that person doesn’t show you that you are their world, tell them to fuck off!  I am not saying my own relationship is perfect.  I’m not saying we don’t drive each other around the pole.  And whilst communicating how I feel has never been easy for me, I am better at it now than I have ever been.  Perfect or not, I know one thing down to my bones… there’s nothing he wouldn’t do for me.  We don’t live together and we don’t plan on changing that and we regularly go two weeks between seeing each other and I define myself as a Single Mum because I live alone with just my boys. But am I single?  No.  I value my relationship but I am not scared to ever be single again.  

TODAY’S generation of women should be strong enough to either be in a relationship that is balanced, loving and equal or they should be happy to be alone.  Every generation is force-fed the same edict…we are here to procreate.  

Well, that explains a few things.  I see around me today the same as I saw when I was in my twenties; women who put up with a shitty relationship so they can be in a relationship.  They lose their worth when single.  Or the women who are just too lonely when they are single.  We all want to be loved but wouldn’t you rather be loved by your family and friends than to have a love that isn’t true?  There have been times in previous relationships where I was lonelier in it than out of it.

LIFE really isn’t as complicated as people think.  There are a few do’s and dont’s in life that living by make life a hell of a lot easier and enjoyable.

GIRLS take note… 

• People who love you are not unkind, they aren’t hurtful with their words or actions and they are not disrespectful.
• Narcissistic partners.  I married you didn’t I?  I’m here aren’t I?  Tell you what arsehole, don’t do me any favours. 
• If they have wondering eyes and/or can’t keep it in your pants….go.  Run for the hills!  Good luck finding that ‘special someone’ who finds that shit acceptable.
• Regardless of whether you are sitting in your bedroom/front room or in a bar full of your mates, watch your language.  Don’t speak to somebody you supposedly love badly.  That just makes you an arse.
• You don’t want to be in the relationship but you don’t want anybody else to be with her?  You want to keep her on the hook?  You can fuck off too!

If you are in a relationship, value it or lose it.  How do you expect to keep your house warm in the winter if you leave the back door open?  (That sounds like a line from a Carry On film!)

In our house you are pretty much guaranteed, if the TV is on, that an episode of How I met your Mother will be showing.  This is OUR show.  We love it for many reasons but a couple of weeks ago, I asked my boys who (out of the guys) was their favourite and what it was about them they liked the most.  There are three to choose from; Barney (the man whore), Ted (the softie looking for The One) and Marshall (happily settled).  I waited with fearful breath for their answer…secretly willing them not to say Barney (even though he is my favourite character). 

They had a little chat.  Their joint answer was a mix of all three (God, I love those kids)  What a great answer!  Don’t settle for the first one you meet, play the field (just don’t be a shit about it), be open to love and finding the right person and when you are ready, show them that you’re their person and nobody else’s. But if you don’t find that The One you are not worth less than those who do.  Find your own happiness.  Your worth doesn’t grow from being a ‘double’.  

BIG SNOGS

Kitty xxx

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